The Cynical Side of HR

39 Secrets Your HR Person Won’t Tell You

By Michelle Crouch 

1. “The No. 1 thing in job security is your relationship with your boss. Even if he says, ‘I’m sorry I really wanted to keep you, but they made me lay you off,’ that’s almost never true. He probably made that decision.” –Cynthia Shapiro, former human resource executive and author of “Corporate Confidential: 50 Secrets Your Company Doesn’t Want You to Know.
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2. “If you’re accused of sexual harassment, even if you’re found to be not guilty, people will always look at you funny afterwards. It can kill your career.” –Laurie Ruettimann, HR consultant and speaker in Raleigh, N.C .


3. “Even in jobs where you test applicants and those with the top scores are supposed to get the job, I’ve seen hiring managers fix scores to get the people they like.” –HR representative in the manufacturing industry.


4. “If you have a question, come to my office. Don’t corner me in the bathroom.” –HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina


5. “Children and hobbies do not belong on a résumé. And never, ever say, ‘Now that my kids are in college, I’m ready to get back in the workforce.’ ” –HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina


6. “Someone might tell you to ‘Be yourself’ in the interview. Don’t be yourself. That’s the worst advice ever. We don’t want people who are neurotic and quirky and whatever else. All we care about is your skill and experience.” –Laurie Ruettimann, HR consultant and speaker in Raleigh, N.C.


7. “You’re right to be paranoid. The company is always watching you, and there’s a record of everything you do: every phone call, every text, every tweet and instant message. At most companies, they save that data forever.” –Laurie Ruettimann, HR consultant and speaker in Raleigh, N.C


8. “I was asked by one CEO to hire the long-legged girl with the long dark hair even though she didn’t have the right skills. Another time, I was instructed not to hire anyone with children because the company had too many people leaving for soccer games. That kind of thing happens all the time.” –Cynthia Shapiro


9. “I know many of you met your former spouse at the company. But the thing is, for every one of you, there are five people it doesn’t work out as well for. And your office romance can and will be held against you.” –Kris Dunn, chief human resources officer at Atlanta-based Kinetix who blogs at HRcapitalist.com.


10. “Many people think, ‘If I work extra hard, I’m going to get noticed.’ But it doesn’t work that way. If you want to advance, some of the responsibility falls on you to toot your own horn. Make sure your supervisor and your supervisor’s supervisor are well of aware of what you’re contributing.” –Michael Slade, HR director at Eric Mower and Associates, an integrated marketing communications agency.


11. “I know a lot more about you when you walk in the door than you realize. I’ll search for you on the web and often use my own personal network to do a pre-interview reference check.” –Senior HR Executive in New York City


12. “Generally speaking, you only put someone on paid leave if you’re pretty certain that they might be terminated from the company once you do your investigation.” –Kris Dunn 


13. “Never accept the job immediately. Say you need to think about it overnight. Once you sign on the dotted line there’s no room for negotiation.” –A human resources professional in New York City


14. “If you get fired, don’t just stomp out and go on with your life. The company may be willing to give you some severance, especially if you can point to someone different from you who didn’t get as severe a punishment. Just saying, ‘Well, I talked to my attorney’ (even if you don’t have an attorney) can also give you some leverage.’” –Suzanne Lucas, a former HR executive and the  “Evil HR lady” on bnet.com


15. “If we ask ‘What salary are you looking for?’ say you’re flexible, or say it depends on the responsibilities of the job. Try not to name a salary unless we really push you, because that gives us a leg up in the negotiating.” –A human resources professional in New York City


16. “I’ve always hated the big United Way drive at work.  Not because of the United Way.  Great organization.  Because of the smell of solicitation in the air, and because we are usually in the middle of it.” –Kris Dunn


17. “Companies do have black lists. It’s not written down anywhere but it’s a list of people they’d be happy to get rid of if the opportunity arises. If you feel invisible, if you’re getting bad assignments, if your boss is ignoring you, or if they move your office, you’re probably on it.” –Cynthia Shapiro


18. “I may say ‘I’m terminating you because you didn’t meet performance measures.’ I’m not going to say it’s because you’re a pain in the butt and piss people off every time you interact with them.’” –HR Manager at a healthcare facility


19. “I once had someone send me Forget-me-not seeds with their thank you note. Yes, thank me for taking the time, that’s great. But sending me seeds? That’s weird.” –Sharlyn Lauby, human resources consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.


20. “Don’t lie about your salary. Ever. Even if your employer doesn’t tell us (and most do), we’ll find out eventually. I’ve terminated two people for doing that.” –A human resources professional in New York City


21. “One time a candidate sent – I love this – a thank you card with a professional picture of herself, which quite honestly became the running joke for weeks. The picture was blown up and posted in my office with hearts drawn around it.” –HR director at a financial services firm


22. “Don’t ever tell me that you have to have this job because you’re going to lose your house, your kids have nothing to eat, your mother has cancer. Companies aren’t a charity.” –Suzanne Lucas


23. “Networking does not mean using Facebook or Linked In. It means going to events, getting your face in front of people and setting up informational interviews.” –A human resources professional in New York City


24. “We get résumés on fancy schmantzy papers. We get them with gold-pressed lettering. We get them in binders and in document protectors with ribbons. None of that sways me.” –HR Manager in St. Cloud, Minnesota


25. “98 percent of the résumés we receive when we post a position on a big jobs site like hotjobs, monster or careerbuilder are junk, people who are nowhere near qualified. We’ll get a guy who’s a bar manager applying for a director of public affairs position. Or a shoe salesman. That’s why we like posting jobs on websites that target specific industries.” –Michael Slade, HR director at Eric Mower and Associates, an integrated marketing communications agency.


26. “Your job isn’t safe just because you’re pregnant or a new mom. Lots of people get pink slips while they’re on maternity leave. Companies can do it as part of a larger layoff, include you in there and create a justification for it.” –Cynthia Shapiro


27. “Some companies do everybody’s raises on their anniversary dates. I’m not a fan of that because if the budget comes out in January, those poor people hired in December get, ‘Oh sorry, we’d like to give you more but we gave a huge increase to Bob so you’re just going to get 2 percent.’” –Suzanne Lucas


28. “I don’t lay people off at the end of the day because I think it’s rotten to get a whole workday out of someone, then lay them off. I always lay them off in the morning.” –A human resources professional in New York City


29. “I had somebody list their prison time as a job. And an exotic dancer who called herself a ‘customer service representative.’ ” –Sharlyn Lauby, human resources consultant in Fort Lauderdale, Fla.


30. “It doesn’t take 40 hours a week to look for a job. So if you’re unemployed, do something: take classes, meet people, go to industry meetings, start a blog, read a book a week. Just don’t sit on the couch and eat Doritos.” –Ben Eubanks, HR professional in Alabama


31. “My Linked In profile is for myself, a way for me to find another job. It’s not a way to find a job with me.” –A human resources professional in New York City


32. “In interviews, everyone works well with others, and everyone learns quickly. Please tell me something else.” –HR manager in St. Cloud, Minn.
33. “I’ve seen managers not hire a woman because the environment is mostly male, and they’re worried that no matter how smart or talented she is, she won’t fit in.” –HR representative at a Fortune 500 financial services firm


34. “If it’s been a week or two and I tell you ‘I don’t have an update yet,’ that often means there’s a better candidate we’re talking to, but we can’t tell you that in case they decide not to take the job.” –Recruiting consultant Rich DeMatteo. Philadelphia, Pa.


35. “If you call to check on the status of your résumé  and I ask, ‘What job did you apply for?’’ If you don’t know, you’re done.” –HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina


36. “When we had someone go out on disability and we knew he was faking it, we didn’t want to go to court to prove it. So we put him on the end of the assembly line in a job where we knew he wouldn’t succeed. Eventually, we were able to fire him.” –HR pro at a mid-level staffing firm


37. “I have better things to do than deal with who slept with who, or who’s talking about you behind your back. Sometimes I feel like a high school guidance counselor.” –HR professional at a mid-sized firm in North Carolina


38. “Yes, I have access to everyone’s salary but I don’t look unless I have to. There’s nothing worse than having to reprimand someone, and then seeing they make $60,000 more than me.” –HR professional at a midsize firm in North Carolina


39. “Don’t stalk me.” –A human resources professional in New York City

The rest @ Career Midway

This is sometimes true, but not the norm in my HR experience. as an HR professional, you have a professional responsibility to educate a boss who is about to make a "career decision" with their instructions. Or maybe its time to find another place to work, a place with leaders with integrity.

Checklist for Completing an I-9

Section 1: Employee Information and Verification

To be completed on the first day of work. Earlier is acceptable, but the form cannot be completed before the employee has been hired.


1.Give the employee a Form I-9 (including instructions). Ask him/her to complete Section 1 and bring an acceptable combination of documents to you no later than their third work day.

Note: Let the employee choose the documents! Never request specific documents.

2.Check that the employee has completed all fields:

■Name: The employee must use his/her legal name in correct order.

■Address, Date of Birth, Social Security Number.

■Citizenship Attestation

■A Lawful Permanent Resident must provide an 8- or 9-digit Alien Number.

■An Alien Authorized to Work must provide the date work authorization expires and an Alien number or an 11-digit Admission number from the Form I-94.

■Sign and Date: The form is not valid without a signature.

3.Preparer and/or Translator Certification: If someone other than the employee completed Section 1.

Section 2: Employer Review and Verification

To be completed no later than the employee’s third workday by an authorized representative of the hiring department. (Contact your supervisor or the HR Contact in your department to find out if you are authorized to sign this section.)

1.Accept the first valid document or combination of documents presented. Accept only originals and do not ask for or accept more than is required.

■Valid documentation is one of the following: One document from List A, or one from List B and one from List C

■Be sure the employee has signed the documents.

■Note that Foreign Passport with an I-94 Arrival/Departure Record requires an additional Work Authorization document, such as I-20 or DS-2019.

■Make a readable copy of each document.

2.Record each Document title, Issuing authority, Document number, and Expiration date (if applicable). Use the correct lines according to the key at the far left of the page. Be sure to use the correct column for List A, B, or C.

3.Enter the employment begin date (month/day/year). Use the current date, if you are completing the form before the employee's actual first day of work. Do not leave this space blank!

4.Sign and Date

■Only the person who viewed the original documents can complete this section.

■Address should include the name of the university department or unit.

Section 3: Updating and Reverification

Only use this section when the employee’s work authorization has changed or has a new expiration date.



Handling the Completed I-9

1. Keep a copy of the completed I-9 and all supporting documents for the employee file.
2. Original tracked per SOP


Troubleshooting

1.Employee name does not match the documents provided.

■The employee must use his/her legal name. If he/she is in the process of changing names, use the current name on the I-9 form and the employee record. Once the name has been changed, he/she can present proof at Payroll Services to update his/her employee record.

■If the employee presents a Social Security Card, the name on the Form I-9 must be the same as the name on the card.

2.The employee does not have a Social Security Number.

■A citizen of the U.S. must provide proof from the Social Security Administration that an application has been made. Complete Section 2 of the I-9 using the information on the letter, if the Social Security Card is a supporting document.

■For international employees, coordinate with International Student and Scholar Services and Payroll Services as needed. Refer to the Payroll Services Webpage “Social Security Numbers for Non-United States Citizens,” for instructions.

3.The employee has a “delay” letter saying he/she has applied for the document(s).

■Most official delay letters are acceptable. Use the information on the letter to complete the I-9 and send the form to HR as usual with a copy of the letter attached.

4.The I-9 Form is late.

■Do not backdate the form. Explain why the document is late on a separate sheet of paper. Sign and date it and attach it to the original I-9. Remind all involved that federal law requires this form to be complete no later than the third workday.

5.The employee does not provide acceptable documents by the third workday.

■Employment should not continue. Contact the Human Resource Service Center (HRSC) for assistance and referral. It may be necessary to work with HRS Employee Management Services to dismiss the employee.

6.The employee is dismissed, quits, or stops reporting to work before completing the I-9 process.

■Explain why the document is incomplete on a separate sheet of paper. Sign and date it and attach it to the original I-9.

■If the employee had not completed Section 1, write the employee’s name and EID at the top of a form I-9 and attach the explanation. Remind everyone involved that the I-9 process is a federal requirement and each new hire should complete Section 1 by the start of the first workday without exception.

Adapted from this original souurce @ University of Texas

Seven Things Human Resources Wants to Know During Your Interviews

The Human Resources Interview is an early, if not your first contact with a company. keep in Mind HR can say no to you, though they cannot say yes by themselves. Therefore, don't overlook this part of the interview process. (Thanks Z). The objective for HR is to eliminate fakers, assess your reliability and fit for your prospective team and company. They also want to assess the risk of your committing organization-damaging behavior.

There are several things they want to know; Help them answer these questions without evasion, while demonstrating respect for them and your former organization, and you will do well.

1. Are your resume credentials and experience real or exaggerated?
This will be checked outside the interview.


2. Why did you leave your last job, or why are you seeking to leave your current company? Do you treat your previous company and colleagues with respect?


3. Is the company a stepping stone or rest stop in your career, or do you really want to find a home here? How long do you really intend to stay?

4. How would you interact with their company's culture? Is your humor appropriate? Do you listen Well? (etc)

5. What is your potential for long term employment and development within the company? Do you want to make a contribution to the company, you want to work hard and grow in the company, or simply rent your time by the hour?

6. Are you going to be happy with the money they can pay you now, and is their room to grow in the future? IF you must have the top pay in a given range, you may not get a raise for a couple of years. This makes for an unhappy employee in the future.

7. Are you here to serve and make others around you better, or are you there to be served, and use the others around you to enhance your own objectives?

Keep in Mind, two key Human Resources roles are risk management and to be the keepers of the company culture. treat them and their roles seriously, with respect, and not just a gate keeper, and you will do well.


Lee Royal

Hiring Military On Twitter

The Role of HR Generalist in a Small Company

Most of the smaller organizations or businesses have a position known as human resources generalist. Actually, it is not possible for these small companies to afford many human resources positions. In such organizations human resources managers do not have any human resources assistants that could assist them in their tasks.
Human resources generalist should have knowledge about all the tasks related to human resources in an organization so that he need not depend on any type of employees required for the job.
It is very important that the executives ensure that the human resources generalist that they are hiring has adequate knowledge about all the requirements of the organization. Along with being an expert in understanding the functioning of the operations and works of the business, he or she should be competent to handle all types of mediation, written, oral, organizations and interpersonal skills.
There is no one is the organization on whom the human resources generalist can delegate his duty, therefore he or she should be capable of multi-tasking. A human resources generalist should have quick learning ability as every business has specific requirements that need to be met.
A human resources generalist need to have more qualification or education than any human resource coordinator or assistants to handle various areas of work and the diverse task list. A bachelor’s degree in diverse fields of study would be an added advantage.
Human resources generalist need to understand the running of the business and the way to communicate with everyone at any level in the organization. This is very important to carry on with the tasks of human resources generalist.
Although most of the human resources generalist have good knowledge of computers and administration but a qualified generalist have an added edge over the others. To carry out tasks of clerical duties you need to have good understanding of computers programs. You would also require a good level of organization to handle all the tasks easily.
Although the limitation of requirement of human resources generalist in smaller companies limit the job prospects. Moreover, there may not be good scope for promotion to management at senior management positions and human resources department due to the limited size of business. But this is the best way to gain some experience in the field of human resources.
Once you gain some experience, you can easily step up the ladder and join some larger corporation for better management positions. In cases where you need to have some knowledge and experience to apply for a job, your this past experience of being an assistant or coordinator would be very beneficial for you. They would consider you as an individual who is experienced and is seeking for job change to work on more advanced platform and is ready to take more responsibilities.

The Rest @ Tweet My Blog




Lee Royal
On Twitter

What is Human Resources